i'm definitely not closeted in most social situations, but since i've taken this "on-the-road" sales job, there have been a number of occasions where it would have proven to be socially awkward if i had been totally honest about my sexuality. it's important to note that some of my work travel spans rural texas and arkansas. i'm pretty good at changing pronouns on a dime, but sometimes my responses to questions about my "special someone" catch me off guard. this is often the case when i walk into an office with "CHRIST IS OUR CORNERSTONE" plastered across the reception desk and i feel totally disorientated and scared. here's an example:
(texas financial advisor in italics)
so, i don't see a ring on your finger, you got yurself a lady friend?
well, i recently got engaged, thanks for asking.
congratufreakinlations! what's your fiancee like?
oh...you know...6'2"...240
(silence)
big hands...size 13 shoe.
you sure are a funny guy there andy! ...makin' us thank yur a queer! whut's she do fur work?
demolition
good christ! she must be in pretty good shape!
yeah, she can bench about 280.
she got a nice set?
yeah, they're pretty big. she shaves them too. i've actually figured out how to unhinge my jaw so i can fit them both in my mouth.
this is my life.
1 comment:
ROFL. For real real, not for play play. I think you have to enjoy the part where you get to trick conservatives into thinking your one of them. Hold your friends close, but hold your enemies closer. That sort of shit.
.se.
Post a Comment