Tuesday, October 14, 2008

conservative celebrity bloat alert

i watch a lot of cnn. everyone does these days, but i really watch a fucking lot of it. it's on in the airports, the reception areas of institutions that i visit, the hotel check-in, etc. over the past few months i've noticed glenn beck, one of my least-favorite mormons, looking more and more like an overburnt virginia ham. described as an "unconventional"(?), "quick-witted"(??), this fatty needs to lay off the eucharist and start taking a dexatrim communion.

here's a before:
















and an after:


















the lord hateth fatties.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

old n' crusty

i figured i should write this down because it's just been floating around my head for the past 7 years:

he says, "i've got a fascination with words"
i say, "is that the best you can do?
cuz' i've got cue cards
a paragraph
and about fifteen minutes
can i show my fascination to you?"

cuz' i've been used and abused
and if i come across rude
it's just that i've been battling myself
and i'm about to lose.

i could give you a sentence
i could give you a phrase
i could give you directions through my mind's twisted maze
i could set in on fire if i had enough fuel
i could be the exception to you grammatical rule
cuz' i've read your word verbatim
and sometimes i think i hate them
but you still leave me with this overwhelming ultimatum
of whether or not to say what i feel
or feel what i think
or think what's real.

i've got a dialogue box full of explanation
full of kinetic dictation
for my next creation
so you better speed now
before i pick up the pace
before i throw your fascination right back in your face.

believe it or not they got the twin towers
and it's just a matter of time before the brimstone showers
in the meantime we're fighting the american way
unless your black, female, muslim, or gay
we're all selling out our souls to the tv news
learning who next to exploit
how much oil to use

you've got a meeting with the devil
and his name is CEO
but you just call him boss
so nobody will know
he thinks your words might make a pretty dollar
trick is, you'll be on a short leash
wearing a studded dog collar

all the while you were messing around
writing postcards and sermons with your head in the ground
and this fascination of yours,
can you show me some proof?
cuz' i've got a fascination with the truth.