graduating makes you more regular

i've been in an mba program for the past 18 months. i work full time. i travel every week for my job. i go to school every saturday. all day. i had my last class last saturday and handed in my final paper moments before beginning this post.

am i excited about finishing my graduate program? sorta.

about the new job prospects? meh.

more money? i guess.

joining an elite stratosphere of mba's? not really.

i'm excited about pooping on saturdays. i haven't pooped on a saturday in 18 months. i don't know what it is about my university, but i cannot poop there. i can eat 3 pounds of chili and wash it down with a gallon of coffee while chainsmoking a half-dozen cigarettes and still couln't poop at school. i have a psychological barrier to crapping in close proximity to other mba's. maybe it's ego. maybe all the backup makes me extra aggressive in those competetive debates on corporate strategy. who knows.

more realistically, i think it's because of the 1 person bathroom on the floor where most of our classes are. i don't like the idea of getting interrupted by a knock on the door signaling pressure to "hurry up". i need a quiet, zen like setting to do my business. i will relish saturday mornings with my very own bathroom from now to eternity. i'm going to sing a song of celebration tomorrow, my first saturday free from the captive bonds of constipated misery. oh happy day.

stray cats, jc penny, homeless people, and ab fab cliches

we have 6 little galvanized metal planters on our back patio. we grow grass in them as a kind of gay-martha-i'm-too-lazy-to-plant-real-vegetation-and-besides-my-friends-will-inevitably-fill-them-with-cigarette-butts sort of thing. in any case, there's a black cat owned by someone in our hood who comes up to the back door whenever we're cooking or doing something unusual in the living room (faces the back patio, no neighbors can see in). she's pretty cute. sometimes i want her to come in but she's just a tad bit mangy. since i've been spending a lot of time home with a knee injury, i caught her perching on our planters, having a crap. i find it funny that our patio planters probably have the nicest/only grass in east boston.

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i am not embarrassed that i just ordered a 6-pack of jc penny/towncraft brand medium-tall v-neck undershirts. online catalogue description: "Men's v-neck shirt is designed to hold its shape wear after wear. Smooth cotton/polyester blend has lasting fit and resists shrinking. Washable."

yes! yes! yes! they are THE ONLY undershirts that don't come untucked or lose their shape after washing. i've bought undershirts from banana republic, saks, barney's, target... they all suck. jc penny is the only company making shirts long and durable enough for today's 6'3" long-torsoed homo. i love them. also, while scrolling through the underwear section of the online catalogue, i had a quick stroll down memory lane, when the jc penny catalogue was the closest i could get to male porn.

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in other news, did you know that homeless people won't ask you for money if you're wearing a leg brace?

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i know that i'm about 15 years late to this gay party, but through the power of netflix, i've been watching ab fab non-stop. the show is genius. pure genius. it is proof that product placement works: after finishing 3 consecutive episodes, i went out and bought 2 bottles of champagne. you're welcome LVMH.

"c'mon sweetie, mummy's thirsty."