Thursday, March 29, 2007

revenge extravaganza - dedicated to "the colonel"


i got royally fucked over by a "team member" at work. since i can't delve into cor-pirate details on my blog, i will describe the situation using ani difranco lyrics:


"and the next time that i saw you//you were larger than life//yeah you came and you conquered//you were doing all right//you had an army of suits behind you//and all you had to be was willing//and i said i still make a pretty good living//you must make a killing//and i hope that//that you are happy//i hope that at least you are having fun//oh cuz everyone is a fucking napoleon" -napoleon


"tell me who is your boogieman//that's who i will be//you don't have to like me for who i am//but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me" -willing to fight


"smile pretty, and watch your back" -every state line


"i am warning you i am weightless//and the wind is always shifting//so don't hang anything on me//if you ever want to see it again//i am telling you i'm different than you think i am" -million you never made


and the real kicker which outlines my ever so subtle revenge extravaganza (coming to a city near you, summer of 2007):


"you are subtle as a window pane//standing in my view//but i will wait for it to rain//so that i can see you//you call me up at night//when there's no light passing through//and you think that i don't understand//but i do//we don't say everything that we could//so that we can say later//oh, you misunderstood//i hold my cards up//close to my chest//i say what i have to and i hold back the rest//'cause someone you don't know//is someone you don't know//get a firm grip, girl before you let go//for every hand extended//another lies in wait//keep your eye on that one//anticipate...

...if there's anything i've learned all these years on my own//it's how to find my own way there//and how to find my own way home" -anticipate








Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Think I'll Go To Boston//I Think That You're A Retard



has anybody heard this song? it was on at the gym today. i actually stopped when i was walking by the TV to catch a good look at the lead singer so that if i ever run into him on the street, i can kick the shit out of him. the lyrics are naive and stupid beyond belief. i googled the lyrics and found the band's website(augustana); they're out of san diego. just in case the track is unfamiliar, here are the lyrics to the chorus:


I think I'll go to Boston//I think that I'm just tired//I think I need a new town//to leave this all behind//I think I need a sunrise//I'm tired of the sunset//I hear it's nice in the Summer// some snow would be nice


ok asshole, GO AHEAD! move to fucking boston, you ill-informed little emo-bitch! pack up your bags and that rat's nest haircut of yours and come see the sunrise from the waterfront in the middle of february when there's a windchill factor of -25 degrees. yeah, the snow is real nice when it's flying at your face horizontally at 35 miles per hour like shrapnel flying out of a grenade launcher. i'd take baghdad over february in boston.


you hear it's nice in summer, do you? last summer was really nice in my 4th floor walk up with no central AC. maybe you haven't heard of HUMIDITY down there in san diego, but in late july, when you walk out of your apartment in BOSTON, you instantly get pit stains and it feels like you're breathing through a straw. you'll have to use 2 handfuls of leave-in conditioner to keep that greasy ass hairstyle of yours. oh, and all your black rock-star outfits? you'll probably pass out due to heat stroke headed from newbury street to cambridge surrounded by 2,050 asian MIT students crammed onto an un-air conditioned bus. yes, i pray you, move to boston.


maybe you'll meet a new "lover". so full of hope! i hope you like bitchy, dumpy, entitled women who think getting dressed up to go out means jeans, black shoes, a string of pearls, and their new ann taylor sweater set---because that's all you're gonna get! welcome to Generica! boston has about 5 hot, interesting single chicks and i'm friends with ALL OF THEM and i can say with great certainty, NONE of them would date your whiny ass.


so go ahead, MOVE already. your song sucks and you deserve to suffer.


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

men's event 2007

essie and i went to the fenway community health center benefit for the 3rd year running. it's a bunch of gays sashaying around in tuxes giving self-congratulatory speeches on all of the good work they do for AIDS. needless to say, i slammed 2 vodka martinis within my first 10 minutes there. by desert i was a *little* sloppy. i asked an asian man at my table if he'd prefer to use chopsticks to eat his carrot cake. then i put my hands in prayer position and bowed. i proceeded to call him mr. midori the rest of the night. i told him to call me. i don't think he's gonna call.