Wednesday, June 25, 2008

anniversary 1.0

through a whirlwind of taxis and litter
and other pointless assignments
i woke up and it had been 1 year
1 year in which we scrambled and toggled
for the methods by which we would escape our mania and tiredness
even now exhaustion builds up unbearably
and at awkward moments
i wish you were 2,000 miles closer

i daydream that we're together at lake austin
and likewise in chelsea
with children and laptops in tow
fashion long forfeited to painted rocks
finger-painted masterpieces
and dirty toads brought in by little hands as pets
or as gifts for someone who needs to see more playfulness
in the entrapment of adulthood

1 year of the many
so many in my mind, in fact, that just 1 seems insignificant
insignificant as to give credibility to the warm-up of our life-spans
as if we could put a time-line on love's boundlessness

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

orange harbor


oh glorious boston night!
why must you taunt me with your periodic good weather whilst i pack up my shit for a more hospitable city?


from the port bow of my boat ride home
your full moon glows like the cross-section of an artery or a blood orange
pumping life back into a stupid teenager on the brink of drowning.


slowly rising from the east amidst a swarm of airplanes
i understand the ancient pagan rituals for a brief moment
because, after all, aren't we all just a bunch of assholes
running around outside
dancing around maypoles and cellphones
searching for better reception
when nature heaves its orange head over our harbor?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

...where they used to pack the meat


i'm not a cheater. i don't think it's in me. i would've been a good catholic; even flirtation often leaves me with guilty feelings.

i would only EVER cheat on my spouse with new york city.

i've been hundreds of times.

i've stayed up all night, slept with nefarious gentlemen in the west village, fought with strangers, and walked its perimeter the way people hike mountains in search of a transcendental vista. mine stands homeless behind pillars of corporate excess ducking behind vigilante taxis ever late to a boarding flight at la guardia.

in the wake of boston and the construction of our dream home in austin, i still daydream about new york like an adolescent with his dad's playboy.

some dream of eventual summer houses on the cape, or weekend getaways on lush golf courses. i want to retire to the sound of sirens and screams and late-night revelry and rude executives and $7 muffins and designer lollipops and racial mosaics and the universal glory that is new york.

not invited


it amazes me that a person will hide behind a glass pane sheltering them from experience and happiness. this glass pane is a 32nd of an inch thick and could be shattered with little effort. still, the fear of a bloody fist and temporary pain are enough to keep them content in the safety of their ignorance. cliche, i know, but i am always dumbfounded by the containment of religion. even after years of finally reclaiming myself and showing my family the happiness i've found, they disappoint me by blindly following the doctrines of men. out of my own humanity, i cannot allow myself to become callous to conscious people making unconscious decisions. i will always be amazed by the failure to listen to reason and human nature.

i drove through colorado last week and passed the world headquarters of focus on the family and laughed at their hateful mission while i stared in awe at the purple mountains' majesty, as the early settlers must have. what a glorious tectonic miracle perforating the earth in tides and ripples with no god sleeping soundly in her valleys. if there's one thing that i've learned from nature: if their god exists, he isn't participating. so why let ancient patriarchies define our lives when we've got so much logic and science surrounding us? any cumulonimbal colorado sunset will obliterate god's glory by simply following the rules of nature.


"i know that i was warned, still it was not what i hoped." - the little folksinger

Thursday, June 05, 2008

religion as culinary exploration

it wasn't so much that i was a spiritual person, i was just really good at following along. it's like a baby who only eats strained peas and you're ok with that even though it's a little boring. then one day on a play date your friend has strained carrots and you have some and they're great and then you get a little older and you're like, "shit, did anyone out there know about mashed bananas?" once you can get your hands on bacon it's all over. fuck, and then there's wine.

i ate all the fucking strained peas i could and then grabbed a handful of bacon and never looked back.

are we really supposed to eat strained peas to gain salvation? why are we trying to get saved in the first place? so that we can eat strained peas with jesus forever? i'd rather stick with bacon and syrah for my measly 80 years, thank you very much.