the reason i started making t-shirts with steph

my new installation on newbury street, boston

i call it "barbies in dirt". curator: maya, age 5. location: outside of starbucks.

pride on the freeway ramp

i wish this came out better but i was trying to drive. the interior of the sign is one of those cheesy air-brushed pictures of dolphins jumping out of the ocean. is there a high density of dolphins in houston?

no nuggets in dallas

now nimble fingers that dance on numbers
will eat your children and steal your thunder,
while heavy torsos that heave and hurl
who crunch like nuts in the mouths of squirrels.

shut the fuck up. -cake

just got dissed for the first time in a rep's office. i was supposed to have 3 individual meetings. the first guy showed. the second meeting with this chick, didn't happen because she forgot i was coming in and didn't have time. the third dude has his admin call me and tell me today was no good. i confirmed all of these appointments over 2 weeks ago. fuck em.

lonestar

i'm driving around texas all week in a rented SUV against my will. i think i've completely sold out.

the big plan...

...is just to keep spinning, cuz the big bang is only just beginning and sometimes it's all we can do just to hang on. -ani

i've been sort of "out-of-blogging-commission" for the past couple of weeks mostly due to the fact that i've been interviewing in a series of hard and harder-core interviews for an external sales position which i finally landed about 2 weeks ago. i've been pitching and scheduling and making travel arrangements like a mad man. now that i'm actually in the field, i should have more time to make comments on my ever-changing surroundings.

this week i'm in oklahoma. have you ever been? let me sum it up for you: wal-mart. church. school. wal-mart. church. school. in that order. on every block. people here love their wal-marts and they love their jesus. if it weren't for the fact that they are so fucking friendly, i'd say it's almost downright satanic. i've come to realize that people only understand that which exists in their realm of exposure. i have nothing against the citizens of oklahoma, but i do pity the younger generation who seems to be sheltered and heavily influenced by their church leaders. the congregation is their realm of influence which makes me *slightly* more sympathetic to their perceived homophobia and fundamentalism...not that i would ever find homophobia and bigotry acceptable, but it's easy for us bi-coastal, "educated" liberals to cast the first stone.

i reconnected with my great aunt, mrs. frida hicks, last night. sister of my grandmother. descendant of the biggerstaffs. archivist, wife, mother, grandmother, storyteller. she lives about 15 miles from my hotel here in oklahoma city. it's been a good 8 years since i last saw her. we had a casual dinner at a restaurant owned by one of her fellow congregation members and then went back to her house to chat. small talk came easy. although she tried to avoid bringing up the subject of her ailing husband, i could tell that she's been distraught over his bout with alzheimers. he's hardly recognizable to her anymore after 40 some-odd years of marriage. searching for consoling words without tagging on the "i'm so sorry" cliches, i commented on what a good wife she's been to him. although she denies her good-nature, she admits, "well, i made a promise". that'll slug you square in the chest.

aunt frida spent a good portion of the past decade researching our lineage. she has traced our direct line all the way back to 17th century europe, markedly, the 30 year war in germany. she has our family's records from the census of 1790, birth records cris-crossing the continent, and land-ownership documents spanning two and a half centuries. we spent the good portion of last night discussing our ancestors.

i asked frida why she had such an interest in our family tree, she said that she was intrigued by all of the characters that emerge when you study old records and letters; you start to see a story materialize and therein lies the formation of history. frida told me that since her life had always been so average, she found that the quirky and sometimes unusual lives of our foremothers and forefathers filled a void in her identity. all things being equal, i find frida to be fascinating and insightful--far from average. she can remember a relative's name or birthday as though it had been written on her grocery list the day before. she catalogues each person. she could converse about cousin jim two towns away or sergeant hicks who served in the civil war. frida will talk about each person as though they had been at her home for a cookout last sunday. she's traveled the country in search our distant past and uncovered plethoras of intricate relationships and connections that most americans neglect in regards to their family heritage. so many of us identify as "half german/half irish", "half english/half french" when in fact your history happened here, right under your feet. i couldn't help but be proud of frida's research, her archives in the city library, and the part she's played in telling the story of our family's piece of american history. my only regret is that i can't stay here longer to help her cope with the slow decay of her husband's mental capacity. in this town of "wal-mart. church. school." frida was a breath of fresh air and a reminder to me that the wisdom and knowledge of the elderly is not to be forsaken and to know your roots is to know yourself.

p.s. i share the name of my great-great grandfather, creston e. biggerstaff, as noted in the second photo.