i'm at the kansas city ariport where i just finished my chicken sandwich and 3 bud lights to help me deal with the fact that my flight is majorly delayed. the story of my life.
in any case, some douchebag sits next to me at the bar as i'm pounding 16 oz. buds and orders a chef salad and a BBQ sandwich with NO BREAD and a side of "what-can-i-get-instead-of-fries", oh, and also "a club soda". he's about 38, has too much product in his hair, carries a tumi computer bag, and is wearing a striped shirt.
i immediately fight the urge to say "fuck you, you fucking pussy. enjoy not being a man while eating your chef salad with your side of air and ice cubes". instead, i focus on the complex mathematical equation of 20% gratuity on my $20 bar tab.
when did straight guys become so gay? i mean, i get it: you're healthy. you eat salad and drink water and you wax and primp more than fucking tammy faye baker (may she rest in peace).
what annoys me most is that people expect that, as a gay man, i should look/act/order the same shit. fags are the new straight men. we like pizza and beer. we wipe our noses on our t-shirts. we go to baseball games and say rude shit to your girlfriend. some of us can fix our own cars. most importantly, we kick the shit out of bitchy straight dudes who are on 1500 calorie diets.
i wanted to hold this dude's head over a plate of cheese fries and scream, "eat the carbs, you fucking faggot!"
now excuse me while i act straight and head to starbucks for a triple non-fat cappuccino and slowly page through the new martha stewart living.
1 comment:
Even worse are these nuevo-chic lesbos who wear jean skirts and ponytails and muff dive their dormmates because they're "open to all experiences". Whatevs. If you're not building an addition to your house, you are NOT a lesbian.
Post a Comment