if it looks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck...

i'm a little bitter at the christians today, possibly a bit of recent PTSD. in any case, quoting americablog: "Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays (PFOX) believes that it can 'help people with unwanted same-sex attractions (SSA) realize their personal goals for change -- whether by developing their innate heterosexual potential or by embracing a lifestyle as a single, non-sexually active man or woman."'

the organization i used to belong to used to try to play these jedi-mind tricks on us young homos too. they give you the option of either searching out your internal capacity for heterosexuality (i tried and failed miserably) or just acceptance that you can never have sex. ever. with anyone.

the "internal conversion" bullshit is fallacious (what? who said "fellatio"?) and is dismissed by the american psychiatric association. the fatally flawed reasoning behind the latter "non-sexual" option does not take into consideration that even if an individual agrees to avoid homo sex for their entire lives, they still have the natural desire to mate with another human being. whether or not i decide to hump men, i still want to share my life with a partner, grow old together, buy some children, plant perennials, etc. the churchy people cannot get this through their thick skulls. i used to hate when my identity would be watered down to a "lifestyle decision". i live a gay lifestyle whether or not i suck dick. i'm a gay person. you cannot separate the two.

how do you categorize a gay christian who chooses to be non-sexual? are they straight? no, but the church will not acknowledge their gayness either. not only are these people marginalized in society at large but they are marginalized within the very church walls that are supposed to be their salvation. i know people who have chosen this route and apparently can justify their decision within themselves. i just hope they don't get eaten alive with self-hatred and depression along the way. doesn't sound like a healthy christian "lifestyle" to me.

when i came out to my mom at 17, she called her best friend who told her that i was "just like job" and that we would come out of this "test" with God's blessing. if leprosy is anything like getting a handjob by a hot spanish exchange student in the back of my mom's minivan, then sign me up!

obviously, the main reason i left the church is because i could not reconcile a dichotomous life. i couldn't stop grinding my teeth and biting my fist at church, holding back the urge to run up the aisle and punching the shit out of the minister. i couldn't let some moron who knows nothing about me to define my identity based loosely on a couple of ancient scriptures. to all the fundamentalists and non-sexuals who deny their gayness: if it looks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck, it's a duck no matter if it fucks other ducks or not. know what i'm saying?