starbucks. 9:30 am, central time. overland park, kansas. steph and i are emailing back and forth about new t-shirts. in walks hot 19 year-old, corn-fed meat-sicle. he sits down to my left with a middle aged gentleman. they start chatting about some jesus camps around kansas. the meat-sicle wears a t-shirt that reads "god is our refuge and our strength". it is the same color combo as motto apparel's living the dream shirt.
my ears perk after overhearing, "i know that god is leading me everywhere". i chortle but try to hold it in, in turn shooting foam from my grande non-fat cappuccino out of my nose and across the room. (THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!)
i immediately email steph the circumstances. her reply:
“oh I totally know what you mean – this one time, God led me to this prostitute and we fucked and did coke all night and I think he gave me herpes.”
my reply:
"one time god led me to this pair of loafers at barney's. they were $300 and not on sale but it didn't matter because god wanted me to have them. i was like, 'let's get em! praise the lord!'"
meat-sicle says, "you've been in my prayers."
i look over, naively hoping he was talking to me but to no avail.
older christian says, "did you hear about that bridge collapse? a whole school bus full of children fell off the bridge and survived. what a miracle!"
um....what about everyone else who died? was god too exhausted from saving all those school children to save everyone else? did he have to run to the bathroom? maybe he was watching oprah and got distracted? oh wait, he must have had to jog over to darfur to save some africans. oh wait...no, god doesn't stop genocide, he just saves school buses full of pretty, white american children.
um....what about everyone else who died? was god too exhausted from saving all those school children to save everyone else? did he have to run to the bathroom? maybe he was watching oprah and got distracted? oh wait, he must have had to jog over to darfur to save some africans. oh wait...no, god doesn't stop genocide, he just saves school buses full of pretty, white american children.
why don't people use their power of reason? it makes momma cry. i think it makes jesus cry too.
3 comments:
i love jesus toast.
Aah yes. The "God is controlling my life so I can reach heaven" belief. Maybe one day he'll control a meatsicle into my lap. Love your blog. Keep writing.
OMG, I was rollin' reading this post. I'm not sure but I think God may have been watching So You Think You Can Dance instead of helping the rest of the bridge folks.
And the Jesus freaks were so wrong, that bus didn't even fall into the water, that shortbus was still up on the bridge, completely out of harms way. Convenient story for God to have saved them when really, it never was in certain peril.
God once saved cum from going in my eye! No really it was your mouth that did that for you meat-sicle.
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