the cool kids club

i was a really gay kid growing up. i was into things like jump rope and celebrity gossip--you know, stuff that every second grader is interested in. i remember being obsessed with the "popular girl" image in film and tv and wanted to find a way to become that person before anyone else in grade school could beat me to the punch. i did an in-depth field study at the local mall and roller rink and realized that the most popular girls had 1 thing in common: they had almost superhuman mind control over their peers. it became my mission to find away to control my fellow pupils, make my way to the top of the food chain, and exercise my manifest destiny as sunderland elementary's most popular.

i figured the best way to round up the cattle was to start an elite club. you've got to create the need, know what i'm saying? the criteria for choosing members of my group had to be those who 1) would improve my image and 2) showed promise in the areas of fashion and gossip. i created a newsletter, meant to be the first edition of many, with the hottest celebrity news and crossword puzzles made up of tiffany and debbie gibson song lyrics. needless to say, i needed a name for my club...something catchy...something that would really stand out, you know, like an acronym that would really reach out and grab you. after much pontification, i decided on "cool kids club" but "CKC" just wouldn't do. hmmm....the CCC? nope, sounds like catholic sunday school. what did i finally come up with? take a wild stab... i called it the KKK. yes, i ran around the playground trying to get kids to sign up for the KKK. i actually collected about 12 names or so, but shaneekwa and jamall jackson never spoke to me again. i guess some people can't get their priorities straight.