i don't need no one to hold me//i can hold my own

i got highways for strechmarks//see where i've grown?

i've been a jojo refugee for about 6 years or so now. the last 5 years in the church i toggled between leading a double life and compromising my identity. it worked really well, for i am 100% gemini and a superb liar. i just sort of faded out of church without going through the formality of being excommunicated and sitting through hours of meetings with middle-aged men, detailing every handjob, blowjob, and ass-slap i'd given since 1998. no thanks. i'll just sneak out the back door and hope no one notices.

i've stayed in touch with almost no jojos and next to no ex-jojos with a couple of exceptions. even though many of my peers have given the church the finger, i don't necessarily want to be their bff; hate-mongering with them, proving each doctrine illegitimate. a friend of mine recently invited me to a more "intellectual" jojo meetup group and i was instantly curious. i've considered going to support groups in the past but they always creeped me out because there seemed to be overtones of revenge and angst built up behind their meeting agendas. i was assured that this new group was just an intellectual discussion on jojo's version of theology.

i still passed on the invitation. i can't get with sitting around some one's living room, justifying my decision and exclaiming to the world just how wronged i was throughout my adolescence, no matter how intellectual the discussion. yes, the mind fuckery is tremendous, but i refuse to waste my time harping on it. believe me, i'm still dealing with the repercussions of leaving the church: the alienation, the nightmares, the inability to trust parental-esque figures, the abandonment, the guilt, the anger, not knowing how to decorate the christmas tree, and on and on. point is: it's a waste of my energy to bash an organization, most of whose members' minds' i'll never change, when instead i can focus that energy on my relationship with an awesome dude, build my career, fight for gay marriage, and still have time to bake a bourbon pumpkin cheesecake for thanksgiving dinner. maybe other people need the camaraderie, but i've got way too much shit to do on my own before my measly life ends.

with all of this church-y feeling getting stirred up recently, i started thinking about how i hadn't officially been taken off the books. in an attempt to have more integrity in my life i wrote a letter and sent it to the church about a week ago:

"To the Elders of the F****** Congregation
To the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society

It is with purpose and soundness of mind that I write this letter of expediency. Please respect my wishes to be disassociated from the Congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I no longer subscribe to the doctrines of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. Furthermore, I have not attended a Kingdom Hall meeting in over 5 years and have been “inactive” for the same period.

I have considered the consequences of my actions and believe that my identity and ideologies do not coincide with the organization’s interpretations of Biblical text. I do not find it necessary to go through judicial meetings but please inform me of any additional steps that need to be taken to remove me from the congregation permanently. I may be reached at 617-***-****.

I appreciate your attention to this matter. "

to date: no response. curious. i'm tempering a potential confrontation with the "thanks for trying but i'm just never going to stop sucking dick" genre of response.